The Water Pump Maiden

WPM: "Hello fair people of the dry land. I am the Water Pump Maiden (WPM). I am the central figure of a beautiful fairy tale about how a haggered old soup kitchen cowboy curses me into holding this water pump handle up with my head. In the end, however, a handsome goat herder plays a somewhat minor role in rescuing me. Now let me begin this amazing story..."

WPM: "Actually, before I get to the good parts of the story, let me tell you about the armpit cooler. Some people call it a drinking fountain, but I think they've got it all wrong. Ohhh, that feels so good! Oh and Eli, don't forget to watch out for the exposed electrical wires under the water pump handle. If you touch them, they could give you a real zap! Opps, I think my advice came too late."

WPM: "Anyhoo... Hey Jess! Come pose with me in front of my water pump! Don't worry Jess, most of the armpit cooler water drained away from the armpit cooler pipe we're both clutching. Just keep smiling and being totally adorable! Tim, would you mind playing a haggered old soup kitchen cowboy?"

WPM: "So this is the part where a I decide to escape and be with a totally handsome goat herder, played by Sam. Tim, this is the part where I tell you that the winning lottery ticket number is located on the base of the water pump. When you come closer to check it out, I conk you on the head with this water pump handle. Ingenius, I know."

WPM: "Tim's not really embracing his part. For that matter, neither is Sam. I have no idea what Robert's part will be either. My story isn't coming togther as I had envisioned it. Did I mention the fact that it's based on a true story!?!"